How can I help my child with emotional regulation?

 

Why emotional regulation matters

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognise and manage feelings in a helpful way. It helps children communicate well, build relationships, solve problems and participate confidently in learning and play. Children are still developing these skills and need adults to guide, model and support them. Regulation does not mean staying calm all the time; it is about learning to understand emotions and respond appropriately.

 

Helpful routines

Predictable routines help children feel safe and settled.

• Keep morning/evening routines consistent

• Give warning of upcoming changes

• Build in calm moments across the day

• Balance active time with rest

   

Practical strategies at home

• Name feelings: give language to experiences (e.g. I can see that you are frustrated).
• Model calm responses; pause before reacting; offer simple choices.
• Teach calming tools: slow breathing, counting, stretching, grounding or movement.
• Normalise emotions and reflect briefly once calm; create a calm space at home.
• Praise effort to regulate and notice triggers together.

 

The Zones of Regulation 

The Zones of Regulation is a framework used in school to help children develop self-awareness and positive ways to manage feelings. It teaches a shared language to describe emotional and physical states and encourages children to select strategies that help them feel settled.

The zones are designed to help children to:

• Identify and name a range of emotions
• Recognise how feelings show up in their body
• Notice changes in energy or alertness
• Communicate their needs more confidently
• Choose strategies that support regulation
• Reflect on what helps them feel calm and ready to learn

These skills support wellbeing, relationships, and readiness for learning.

 

The Four Zones

The Green Zone describes a calm and regulated state.
Children in the Green Zone may feel happy, settled and ready to learn. Their minds and bodies feel steady, which means they can concentrate, follow instructions and engage well with others. At school, children are encouraged to notice when they are in the Green Zone and to use strategies that help them remain settled — such as quiet focus, breathing techniques or familiar routines.

 

The Blue Zone describes a state of low energy or slower alertness.
Children might feel tired, sad, bored or under-motivated. When a child is in the Blue Zone, they may need something to help them re-energise such as movement, fresh air, a drink or time to talk to an adult. The aim is to help children recognise when they are feeling low and to choose an appropriate way to gently increase their energy or improve their mood.

 

The Yellow Zone describes heightened emotions that are still manageable.
Children in the Yellow Zone may feel worried, excited, frustrated or a little overwhelmed. Their bodies may feel more active or restless, and it can be helpful for them to take a short movement break, use breathing strategies or have quiet time to settle. The Yellow Zone is entirely expected, especially during play or new situations, and children learn to notice changes in their energy and practise choosing strategies to steady themselves.

 

The Red Zone describes very intense feelings that can feel overwhelming.
A child in the Red Zone may feel furious, panicked or out of control. At this point, they need adult support and reassurance. The priority is to help them feel safe, reduce demands and use calming strategies. Reflection only takes place once the child is settled. Over time, children learn that the Red Zone is not “wrong”, but a signal that they need help to regulate.

 

The overarching aim is for children to recognise their Zone, understand what may have influenced it, and choose strategies that help them move towards feeling more settled. All Zones are normal, and movement between them is a natural part of daily life.

 

Understanding co‑regulation

Co-regulation describes the way adults help children manage their emotions by offering calm, steady support. Children are not expected to regulate their feelings on their own; they learn how to do this through repeated experiences with trusted adults who guide them. When big feelings arise, an adult’s presence, tone of voice and body language provide a sense of safety and help the child to settle.

In practice, co-regulation may look like sitting nearby, speaking gently, acknowledging how the child feels and offering simple reassurance. By staying calm, the adult helps the child to feel calmer too. Strategies such as breathing together, taking a short break, or quietly engaging in a soothing activity can support the child to return to a more settled state. Only once a child feels safe and regulated can they begin to reflect on the experience.

Over time, these responsive interactions help children build their own internal toolkit for managing feelings. They start to recognise what helps them and gradually take more responsibility for using strategies independently. Co-regulation is therefore an essential stepping stone towards self-regulation; children learn to regulate by first borrowing the calm of a supportive adult.

 

How school supports

In school, children are supported to recognise and manage their feelings throughout the day. Teachers and support staff actively model calm, consistent behaviour, helping children understand what regulation looks and sounds like. Emotional vocabulary is introduced and revisited so that children can describe how they are feeling and communicate their needs more confidently.

Classrooms are structured to promote predictability, with clear routines, visual timetables and shared expectations that help children feel secure. Many children benefit from brief check-ins during the day, where they can identify how they are feeling and consider strategies that might help. Spaces within the classroom, or nearby, are available for children to use when they need time to settle, practise calming tools or take a short break.

The Zones of Regulation is used as a shared language across the school. Children learn that all feelings are normal and that their emotional state may change throughout the day. Adults help children notice physical and emotional cues, consider what may have led to those feelings and identify strategies that help them return to a more settled state. At appropriate moments, staff support children to reflect and recognise what went well, building confidence in their ability to manage emotions independently over time.

Across the curriculum, opportunities arise to explore feelings, relationships and responses to challenges. Through discussions, stories, role-play and group activities, children practise perspective-taking, problem-solving and turn-taking. These experiences strengthen emotional understanding and promote positive interactions both inside and outside the classroom.

 

Talking together 

Talking openly about feelings helps children build confidence in expressing themselves and reassures them that emotions are a normal part of life. Conversations do not need to be long or formal; brief check-ins can be just as valuable. Simply inviting your child to share how they are feeling, or noticing their body language and gently reflecting it back, can help them feel understood.

Questions such as “How are you feeling at the moment?” or “What do you think might help?” encourage children to reflect on their emotional state and consider possible strategies. These conversations are most effective when children feel calm and supported, rather than when emotions are at their highest. Over time, talking together in this way helps children become more aware of their feelings and more confident in asking for what they need.

Sharing examples from your own day, in simple, age-appropriate ways, can also help normalise a range of emotions. For example, you might say that you felt nervous before a meeting and took a few deep breaths to help yourself prepare. This gently models healthy strategies and shows children that everyone experiences different feelings, and that we can learn how to manage them.

 

Promoting wider wellbeing

Emotional regulation is supported by a foundation of healthy habits and routines. Children feel more settled when their days have a balance of activity, rest and predictable structure. Regular bedtimes, opportunities for outdoor play and time spent with family and friends all contribute to a sense of security and belonging.

Physical activity plays an important role in wellbeing. Movement helps release energy, reduces stress and supports concentration back in the classroom. Likewise, time outdoors, whether walking, playing, or simply enjoying fresh air, can have a calming effect and create natural breaks in the day.

Healthy routines around technology also contribute to children’s emotional balance. Setting clear and consistent limits on screen time, particularly before bed, helps protect sleep and encourages children to engage in other activities they enjoy. Many families find it helpful to agree device-free times or spaces to support positive habits.

Nutrition and hydration also influence how children feel. Balanced meals and regular drinks can help stabilise energy levels and make it easier for children to manage their emotions. Small changes, such as having a water bottle available or planning regular snack breaks, can make a noticeable difference.

Finally, time spent connecting with others, talking, playing, or sharing experiences, helps children feel supported and understood. Positive relationships offer an important source of comfort and guidance, helping children navigate feelings more confidently. When these everyday routines come together, they create a strong foundation that supports emotional growth and wellbeing.